That's sort of what the inside of my head looks like right now. Although, it makes a lot more sense now than it has over the past month.
Let's see, took the job that I would've been foolish not to take. All the things I was worried about before taking this job materialized as soon as I started my first day. Most have been resolved in the capacities then can be resolved, others can only be resolved by waiting for the end.
The previous statement brings me to my next topic. There is a reason why I tend to be hesitant about taking jobs mostly for the paycheck. Money isn't enough of a motivation for me...I want challenge, social and intellectual fulfillment, etc. All of these are things I value worlds above money. Sadly, money is something I so very desperately need it's not even funny. Therefore, feeling a bit stuck and like I can't move anywhere.
The redemption point is the two awesome people I get to share my time with. Wish we didn't have to spend so much time standing at opposite ends funneling cars around because I greatly enjoy their insight, wit, conversational style, and most importantly, company. I have a bright side, this job could be worlds worse if they weren't around.
To redeem it a bit more, I'm taking to challenging myself as much as possible to feel like I'm moving somewhere. I spend a lot of time focusing on radio traffic and trying to understand and memorize what's going on, mostly for something to do and because it could be useful for something. I took short breaks here and there when things got slow and used the time to clean the office. Beyond that, I'm not certain what else to challenge myself with, which makes for very long weeks.
My energy and motivation to do anything lately has been zero...in part due to the fact that they may have messed up my paycheck, which has me stretching my intern check as much as possible because it could be 6 weeks with no pay as opposed to 4. The other part of it is that I'm totally drained by the end of the day. It takes a bit of getting used to standing outside all day. The allergies are not amused in the least. And the last part is the fact that my lack of motivation means that I've been pushing off essential chores like grocery shopping. I've been down to nothing for about a week, which has meant lots of very unhealthy meals. I feel pretty gross as a result. If I thought I was missing some junk food, I am now wholly convinced that I have no reason to believe that I might be missing it.
I've fallen back into the swing of things now and feel like I'm starting to adjust to the exhaustive nature of the new job. Despite missing friends I no longer get to see regularly and the thrill of intellectual challenges, things are going well. Got the living quarters scrubbed and organized and tomorrow will involve restocking my pantry and fridge with veggies and more coffee!
