On a scale of 1 to 10...my self esteem usually falls at about a 0. I do not value me and I do not feel worthy of having others in my life. I am on a journey to fix this because it destroys the beautiful people and things I have in my life and it sucks away days and years of my one chance at life.
I bottle things and make my needs the last priority for myself. I don't tell people what I need and hope that they can see it. If they can't, then I feel that it's not important and that need is just a silly quirk in my personality that deserves to be pushed a way and skipped over.
But, as I'm learning, to feel worthy, you must express and meet your needs.
To Feel Most Content With All Life:
-I need: to be told when I have done wrong to you
-I need: my company sought out
-I need: to be told I am cared about, regularly
-I need: people to be honest and upfront with me.
-I need: hugs and back rubs
-I need: encouragement
-I need: to be believed in
-I need: to know what you need
-I need: a mentor
-I need: to be listened to
-I need: to be encouraged to explain my thoughts
-I need: to be asked
-I need: to know how people view me
-I need: to know, even in my darkest times, that people won't give up on me
-I need: friends to know that I care about them and loyally support them and will fiercely defend them always.
-I need: to embrace being open about everything that makes me human (needs, wants, dreams, fears, desires, likes, joys, sexuality, hobbies, passions, careers, inner thoughts, philosophies)
-I need: to express myself in real life, vocally, and not through internet.
-I need: quality time with all the people I care about
I look at all of these and kind of want to feel ashamed for needing these things. I want to back away and be shy about it, go hide, and not face anyone who would know this. My face turns a bit red at the thought of expressing this and letting people know...but, when you stand back and think on it, it's all kind of beautiful that each of us shares this common aspect of humanity. We need a certain combination of things to fill us up inside. And sometimes, we'll share one of the same needs, which provides a reminder that we're not the awkward ones who have some sort of odd deficiency for having this particular need.
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